Why You're Still Buying Things to Impress People You Don't Even Like
β
March 1883. New York City.
β
Alva Vanderbilt has a problem.
β
Her husband William is worth millions, heir to the Vanderbilt railroad and shipping fortune. They live in a massive French chΓ’teau on Fifth Avenue.
β
Money is not the issue.
β
The problem? New York's old-money elite won't let her in.
β
Caroline Astor, the gatekeeper of New York society, keeper of "The 400" list of acceptable people, has repeatedly snubbed the Vanderbilts. New money.
β
Not refined enough. Not us.
β
So Alva does what any self-respecting status-seeker would do.
β
She throws the most extravagant costume ball in American history.
β
1,200 guests. Costumes that cost thousands of dollars, the equivalent of tens of thousands today. Her sister-in-law Alice shows up in an "Electric Light" dress with a built-in battery-powered torch. The New York Times writes that the ball "agitated New York society more than any social event that has occurred here in many years."
β
And here's the kicker: Alva doesn't directly invite Mrs. Astor.
β
But she makes sure Mrs. Astor's daughter is dying to go. So Caroline Astor, queen of New York, has to personally call on Alva Vanderbilt and beg for an invitation.
β
Mission accomplished. Alva Vanderbilt is now officially "in."
β
Nine years later, William gives Alva a birthday present: Marble House. A 50-room, 140,000-square-foot "summer cottage" in Newport, Rhode Island, made of 500,000 cubic feet of imported marble. Cost? $11 million, about $380 million in today's dollars. $7 million of that was just for the marble.
β
The dining room alone featured pink marble imported from Algeria and a fireplace copied from Versailles. The "Gold Room" was literally covered in 22-karat gold leaf on every surface.
β
This wasn't a house. It was a statement.
β
And three years after getting her $380 million birthday present, Alva divorced William and kicked him out of it.
β
Because the point was never the house. The point was never even William.
The point was what the house signaled to everyone else.
β
That story might sound absurd, and it is, but here's the thing: we're still doing the exact same thing today. Just with different price tags and different Instagram backdrops.
β
The Hidden Math of Impressing People
β
When buying to impress others drives your decisions, it quietly taxes every part of your financial life. Higher debt, lower savings, more stress, and worse long-term security. The money is real, but the status payoff is usually short and forces you to keep spending just to feel "caught up."
β
Status spending, cars, clothes, tech, decor upgrades, tends to push people beyond their means. This leads to drained savings and revolving credit card balances.
β
Studies link conspicuous consumption with measurably higher credit card debt and much higher delinquency rates. That means real interest costs and late fees for the sake of image.
β
Every dollar you spend trying to look rich is a dollar you're not using to actually become secure.
β
Borrowing to Keep Up
β
When social comparison is strong and credit is easy, people, especially lower-income households, are more likely to borrow just to match visible lifestyles. This creates a debt spiral.
β
This "borrowing to keep up" worsens inequality. The people who can least afford it take on the most costly loans to signal status. They're paying 20% interest on a lifestyle that doesn't even belong to them.
β
Meanwhile, the people they're trying to impress either don't notice or don't care.
β
Erosion of Savings and Resilience
β
Every dollar pushed into signaling is a dollar not going into emergency funds, investing, or paying down principal. So buffers stay thin and wealth builds slowly or not at all.
β
That lack of cushion amplifies risk. Job loss, medical bills, or a single crisis becomes a major setback instead of a manageable bump.
β
You end up financially fragile while loking financially successful. That's a terrible trade.
β
Stress, Happiness, and the Hedonic Treadmill
β
High materialism and status-driven buying correlate with lower well-being and more financial stress. The emotional high of a purchase fades quickly.
β
Social comparison itself explains more variation in financial well-being than income. That means "how you feel about where you stand" can hurt you more than the actual dollars you make.
β
You can make $150,000 a year and feel broke because you're constantly comparing yourself to people making $300,000. Meanwhile, someone making $75,000 with no debt and low expenses feels secure.
β
The difference isn't the income. It's the comparison.
β
Relationships and Long-Term Goals
β
Materialism and luxury-focused spending patterns are linked to more money conflicts in relationships, higher anxiety, and lower relationship satisfaction.
β
Over time, the need to look rich crowds out the ability to become truly secure. Retirement funding, business building, and freedom get delayed so the lifestyle can stay on display.
β
You're sacrificing your future for likes and nods from people who will forget about your purchase in a week.
β
Why We Buy to Impress
β
A huge share of "upgrades" and design purchases are really about signaling status and belonging to other people, not about function. The psychology behind this sits at the intersection of status signaling, social comparison, and coping with insecurity.
β
People engage in conspicuous consumption, spending on visible, often luxury goods to signal wealth, taste, or social rank. These purchases go beyond solving practical needs. They are meant to be noticed and to communicate "who I am" to others.
β
Humans constantly compare their money, possessions, and lifestyle to peers and aspirational groups. This shapes what feels "normal" or "enough."
β
Upward comparison, looking at people above us, reliably increases desire for high-status brands and a willingness to overspend to match or outrun others.
β
Identity, Belonging, and Insecurity
β
When people feel uncertain about themselves or where they stand socially, visible consumption often increases as a way to restore a sense of worth and control.
β
Studies show that different kinds of self-uncertainty, moral, cognitive, interpersonal, all push people toward more conspicuous buying as a psychological band-aid.
β
You buy the watch, the car, the bag, not because you love it, but because you think it will make you feel less insecure. Spoiler: it doesn't.
β
Evolutionary and Signaling Roots
β
Status displays have deep evolutionary roots. Signaling resources and taste can function like a mating and alliance signal, advertising attractiveness and value as a partner or ally.
β
In modern markets, brands, logos, and design cues become shorthand status signals that others can quickly read without knowing someone's full story.
β
Your brain is still running software designed for small tribes where signaling status mattered for survival. The problem is your brain hasn't updated for a world with Instagram, credit cards, and global supply chains.
β
Intrinsic Versus Extrinsic Motives
β
This "buying to impress" is a classic form of extrinsic motivation. Behavior driven by rewards like approval, recognition, and avoiding shame, rather than true enjoyment or utility.
β
When self-worth is heavily tied to external markers, people are more vulnerable to status spending cycles that don't reliably increase long-term well-being.
β
You're chasing validation that never lasts. And every time you get it, you need more to feel the same high.
It's Okay to Spend on Things You Love, But Build the Foundation First
β
Here's the thing: I'm not saying you can never buy nice things. I'm not saying luxury is inherently bad or that you should live like a monk.
β
If you love cars and you can actually afford a nice car without sacrificing your financial security, buy the car. If you value high-end design and it genuinely brings you joy, spend on it.
β
But the key phrase is "can actually afford it."
β
That means you've built your financial foundation first. Emergency fund fully funded. No high-interest debt. Retirement accounts on track. Income consistently exceeding expenses.
β
When those boxes are checked, spend on whatever you want guilt-free.
β
The problem is most people skip the foundation and go straight to the status spending. They finance the lifestyle before they can afford it. They look rich while being financially fragile.
β
That's not wealth. That's a house of cards.
β
What to Do Instead
β
Stop spending money to impress people who don't care about you. Most people are too worried about their own status to even notice yours.
β
Build your financial foundation first. Emergency fund, pay off debt, automate investments, live below your means. Get secure before you get flashy.
β
Spend intentionally on things you actually value, not things you think will make other people think differently about you. If you love it for you, great. If you're buying it for them, stop.
β
Recognize that comparison is a losing game. There will always be someone with more. Always. If your happiness depends on having more than other people, you will never be happy.
β
Find worth outside of possessions. Your value isn't tied to your car, your house, your watch, or your vacation photos. Those are things you have, not who you are.
β